so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Randomize
