The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
