some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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