My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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