If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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