I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
