It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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