not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
