just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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