My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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