How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
