i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
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