Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
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