she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I think I just sharted jello shots
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
