as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Randomize
