Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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