seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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