wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
