is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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