**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
