at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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