I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
