She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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