My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
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