She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
