Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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