may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
