boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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