I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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