You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Randomize
