I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
