the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
