I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
