I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Barsexuality is the new black.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize