I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
