I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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