I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
