I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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