Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
