Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
