is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
