I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
