they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
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