Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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