remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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