I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize