i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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