in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
