cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Randomize