So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
