what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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