some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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