Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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