Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
