I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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