are you so shy because you have an std?
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
