...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize