They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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