I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
