whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
we're so committed to being not committed
Randomize
