Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
