we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
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