Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I party with great urgency now.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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