is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
