hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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