Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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