Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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