My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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