im about as happy as oj after his trial
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
