Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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