Define "chronic" masturbator.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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