Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
