Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
No subtext here. People are naked.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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